A shape calls from the darkness, “extended play vinyl re-releases of 80’s dance classics,” he hears on the wind, he wavers, he cannot return, the rocks will surly sunder his ship. Alas the siren has won, she has tempted him back to the wrecking rocks of a tie-in movie for a beloved TV series and we are doomed because of it. DJ Big Driis has ruined us again, he gets what he wants, dancehall classics? Vestax Controller 1 turntable? thought lost R&B one shots? maybe Idris Elba’s entire output is dedicated to fuelling the desires of his disk wielding alter ego.

That’s the only way I can come to terms with the Luther movie. That it exists to fuel the innocuous, harmless, but financially consuming hobby of it’s star. It’s not like DJing is expensive in our digital age, this is perhaps an issue with my theory, but it’s more interesting than a caviar addiction.

I tried my best to stick with this, I was with Luther right until the halfway point, when I realised that it was just Sherlock with some minor window dressing. It’s got a charismatic villain, who’s plot has far too many moving pieces, the script has a whole hearted devotion to the biblical sense of good and evil, it’s all here; all your friends are here! It’s just so crap. Is this all British writers have to say? that surveillance technology could be misused by a criminal individual and another, kinda weird individual will have to go outside the law to stop him, really? This from the country leading the charge in mass electronic surveillance, where the state is constantly overstepping and outmanoeuvring it’s own law. For your concern being a villain in the shape of Andy Serkis, wielding a laptop, it’s at best privileged and at worse propaganda. Luther could have really said something, if it had to take on this subject, it could have at least been interesting.